Thursday, December 28, 2017

Breathing

My sister Marilyn is suffering from Pulmonary Fibrosis - a lung disease. I spoke to her on Christmas Eve, and sadly her disease is progressing now, the early easy stages finished. At 65 Marilyn is on 100% oxygen, and now is resigned to needing it even when showering. So she has been on my mind~ of course.

Yule is a wonderful and magical time of year - we have adopted the Hygge Winter Ways - embracing simplicity and warmth. Fires and candles - stews and soups. We had a wonderful Yule - and there was sadness, because sadness does not go away because of Christmas. The cost of living I guess.

I wrote a poem for Marilyn - who is not returning my calls - and causing me more worry - because when I go on my Caminho in April I will be pondering and sending out energy - praying in my lapsed Pagan way.

Breath

I will walk for you
Every step a prayer
Because you cannot walk

I will fly for you
Spread my wings and take off
Because you cannot fly

I will breathe for you
Inhaling deeply, filling my lungs with air - 
Because you cannot breathe

When I think of you
I see movement and mischief
Because I cannot see you

I will walk for you
Every step a prayer 
Because you cannot walk

And I walk towards the new year with humility. I do not take for granted my own health and will embrace all my moments.





Monday, September 18, 2017

A Worthy Walk

This trip - it is a selfish act - something I have never allowed myself. To take that much money - and take that much time - and go to Portugal, alone - to simply walk - for days and days - that is monumental. It is a worthy act - and I am worthy.

Drinking kept my dreams reigned in tight. The plan - to take this Caminha [Portuguese for walk] is to acknowledge the past I have been holding in. The loss of my parents - I need time to finally mourn them. I didn't have time in 1995 to lament - to tear at my hair - to rip my clothes and give in to grief. I had 3 young children, and it was all pushed deeply down somewhere deep in my guts.

There is also the cancer that I somehow dodged - the death that certainly I would have faced before now had my physical cues not been noted - not been addressed. I have bought myself 6 more years, and I will never become complacent about that. Every day is a gift - every year a celebration. Every year is one I grasped back from death, though, and I don't have a fantasy vision of old age.

I have noticed in myself a fixation of life and death - my own mortality - and I need to walk on this as well - to ponder my existence.

For 3 weeks I will be my myself. What a thought that is - I will shed myself - layer by layer until I unearth myself.

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

The Sober Pilgrim

First off - I am sober one year today. A life-altering year it has been. The direction of this blog is changing - again - and will follow my preparation and meanderings as I plan for A Great Adventure.

Next April. I will be walking a Camino - and I plan on walking the Portuguese Camino, from Porto to Santiago, and if all works out, will continue to Finnistere to the End of the Earth.

What made me decide to do this?

I have a lifetime love of walking and have used it to escape my house when I was a child, often walking the shores of the Humber River or taking refuge at the library. When I was 13 I walked 28 miles for a charity event in Toronto called Miles for Millions. It was my first experience with communal walking - the long line of walkers carrying transistor radios all tuned to the same station. I felt part of something bigger than myself, heady stuff for 13.

At age 16, National Geographic had an article about a young woman who walked across the Australian Outback with some camels and her dog. That captured my yearning for both travel and exploration - by foot.

In 2015 I had a year of paths, where I walked and hiked many trails. I brought Husband along, he is a good walker but we don't pace the same and he becomes achy due to a metal rod & screws and bits in his right leg from a bad break a few years ago. That year I walked too far in Montreal and hurt my feet wearing footwear without enough proper support and that was a harsh lesson. It took months to heal, and my feet have never returned to a pre-Montreal condition.

Now to talk about age.

My most-fit sister Kathy is suffering arthritis - she is 65 and she has taken wicked good care of herself - forever. But arthritis is getting her. My sister Marilyn - the only one of us not to have battled cancer - has a debilitating lung disease - and is on 100% oxygen. Her world has shrunk to the size of her quite dingy apartment. She is 65. Janice is 72 and a total mess of sciatic and back issues.

I feel an urgency that my time to walk a Camino is now. I will be making this journey alone and I am both excited and terrified.

Today I am off for a training walk of 10km. That is to the lake and back, and I will build up to the 25km days I will be walking in April.

Tchai!