Halloween was clear and crisp - we had around 50 children which was a nice number. More than last year I think, in spite of our road construction.
In years past, we would shell out on the front porch, me with my witch hat on head and wine glass in hand. I honestly missed wine last night, but in a pondering way, not an anxious way.
Eldest [at 29] is reminding me more of the 18 year old he once was - and how he was hardest on me when life became overwhelming for him. We work together and although he is my son, I have firm expectations of co-worker etiquette and he pissed me off yesterday. That was another factor in my missing wine last night. I used to use wine as a sedative when dealing with work stress. I'd chill with a glass of wine and mellow out. Last night - I sat and I had to force myself to chill. This is all wrapped up in my inability to relax - and that leads to my impatience - and that leads to me forcing the clay on the wheel, resulting in wonky pots.
I know I need to learn how to relax naturally. I think my first journal entry back in September was how suddenly I couldn't sit outside with Husband like I used to - how I was agitated with simply sitting. That is where sketching has become a saving task to keep my fingers busy.
Last night Husband was called out to work - which was unfortunate since he loves shelling out - but Middle Son and I took turns and watched The Corpse Bride and The Nightmare Before Christmas with a lovely fire in the fireplace.
It's all about creating new traditions.
This morning I talked to Eldest, and I think he's ok. His life is in transition. In eight weeks he will be a Dad. His life will blow up and all the pieces will come floating down in brand new order. You can't tell people how a baby will change your life. You are only a witness.
And today Youngest turned 20.
Changes - changes. Love you David Bowie.