Friday, December 30, 2016

It was... A Year of Great Change

I have not drawn for weeks - due to first illness, and then Yule Preparation.
Finally last night I forced myself to sit with my pencil and pen and finish the Graffiti House from Kensington Market in Toronto.
Perhaps tonight I will paint it - the 2 houses are colourful.
Beauty in Dereliction. 

Today I am at work, we were supposed to be off but Husband had a job to do for one of my customers so I am working this morning, and will be off on Monday. It is quiet. I have time to prepare for January jobs. Also I am blogging today - I don't often open my lap-top at home anymore, trying to cut back on screens.

Although we did binge-watch OA on Netflix over the last two days. The ending left me 'meh' but it is leading into season 2 I am sure.

My thoughts are turning to deep winter. I am thinking of meals to prepare for the grand-baby who is expected any time now, officially on the 7th. Lasagna & turkey casserole, muffins to bake, thick pancakes to pop into the toaster. Those early weeks with a newborn, no time to eat or drink.

I remember my early days with Eldest - so busy caring for one baby and I remember birthing Youngest at home, 9 years later - barely a ripple in the family life, I didn't even miss a day of after-school babysitting, thanks to Husband who had been laid off the week before.

A wild time.

Why am I pulled to these old homes, boarded up and left to disrepair? Some buildings just leak energy. I always put a light inside, even if they are boarded up tight.

Resolutions? I will try to stay present. I will keep drawing. I will think before I speak. I will be supportive to those close to me who need support - and also be kind to myself and give myself the space, the quiet, the creative food I need.

I will finally paint my rooms and make my house my own, after living with the space for over a year. It is time to paint.

And I will take Yoga, and find that physical balance.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Post-Yule in Review - Life and death, all good.

We did have a lovely Yule Holiday, and today I am back at work, trying to stay away from the chocolate, although immediately after typing that I consumed a Lindor chocolate.

Husband gave me a little dress for Christmas that I might have worn a decade or two ago with great success, and instead of returning it I will use it as my 15 pound goal for Valentine's Day. We have committed to a walk each day after work to help... 

And I will resist the delicious and glorious Sour Dough with onions and cheese bread I've been buying from Fortinos since I stopped drinking. Gluten does not bother me anymore - go figure - but I need to curb my bread indulgence. 

Once the bread is gone, that will be it. All the weight-loss commercials have started, and I'm about to jump on the band-wagon, without joining a program. 

My first sober Christmas has passed. All the dinners - sans wine. All the visiting, the feasting, the deserts, the cooking, the drinking for no reason - all done. Sans wine, sans Grand Marnier, sans rum and eggnog. A lot of tea was consumed. Now I remember way back in time - how much Tetley tea I drank. I remember tea.

Another death in celebrity-land - and is it wrong of me not to care? Sadness of course for anyone who dies at a relatively young age, but the lives of the rich and famous have never touched me - and I find it strange to emotionally attach to people I don't know. Would they care if I died? No. They are too abstract from my life. Actors, singers, politicians - they are not real to me. Am I weird? I think so.

What touches my life? The immediacy of those close to me I think.

Soon, a birth. That is real to me. Baby is due very soon, and I am so nervous for Eldest and his Lovely Lu. It is much harder to be the one awaiting someone else giving birth than it is to be the one giving birth. I keep having dreams about having or carrying babies. 

And that is that, for today, near the end of the year.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Loss and Love at Christmas - Allowing Time to Heal

Many years ago, when I was 33 and a young mother of 3, I had one of those years that can only be described as A Year of Great Loss

In 1995 my father died, then 3 months later my mother died, and then 5 months later on New Year's Day - my eldest sister succumbed to colon cancer - fighting death until she could fight no longer. She filled that hospital room with wild energy - I could see her anger in the air. 

As I put away my Christmas ornaments that year, I wept, and my tears and sadness filled those boxes, to be released every Christmas when opened them again. This year I felt a lightness when those boxes were opened and I believe that my tears have finally faded away.

There is a lightness.

I was Christmas Baking last night, and I decided to listen to some old Christmas music that I had set aside for many, many years. Last night I heard this music and did not feel that familiar cascading, crushing sorrow. I used to weep at my sink, when melancholy hit - blaming the season - but it was the music, always the music.

Last night I baked quietly in my [still] new-to-me kitchen. So thankful. I listened to my old music, that I used to love so much - and I felt peace and happiness. The grief has faded. The sorrow has ebbed away.


The Christmas Tree Farm - 2016

Friday, December 9, 2016

Fighting a Cold on a Frisky Friday - PPF too!

I've been drawing a flurry of storefronts. When you look up you see history. A store that sells condoms on the street level, and 19th century above.

Today I am definitely falling victim to a bad cold, so I will post a couple of photos.

One is the Condom Shack in Toronto, which always makes me smile.

The other is a beautiful old row of buildings in the old section of Hamilton across from Gore Park. Rumour is that they are slated to be demolished.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Friday, December 2, 2016

Paint party Friday - Hibernation, and Walking into the Future

I don't get sad in the winter.
If anything, I look forward to the time to look inwards, to do a 
mental or creative check-up of sorts.
The busy growing season of spring and summer 
take over my life.

So we have reached the time for meditation. For inner-work.
For long baths in the evening and warm fires.

And my finished Cameron Street house - 
I would love to have oodles of money so I could rescue some of these old beauties.

The weekend brings [yet another] visit to Toronto. 
This time with my Eldest Son - soon to be a Father.
What a mental stretch this is for me - I was Mother and he was Son for so long.
Big, beautiful changes coming. 

This weekend will be a time for us to walk away our old ways,
to make way for the new.

Next phase of life.