Friday, March 10, 2017

You're sure not working at the library anymore...

The aftermath of the week we celebrated women - and in my own workplace I am still blazing trails.

It is exhausting to always be on guard for the next 'girl' comment or having to correct a neanderthal co-worker who thought that telling a customer that 'the girl' was in tears she was so upset - when in fact - administration was quite in control and extremely professional.

Ugh, ugh, ugh.

I've had a very difficult 6 months here at my [brutally industrial] workplace. I've had acting managers swear at me. I've had a co-worker suddenly spout abuse at me because of something my husband [co-worker John] did or did not say - 2 years ago.

I've had the cleaner ask me how many girls work at head office.

And I think - should I bother? Should I let the small comments go? And I wonder. And I muster up the resolve to carefully place words in the space between me and the men, to help them see in a different light.

And they sometimes get it - but mostly - they look at me and I can see in their eyes : Oh here she goes - and I hear the excuses - well you know I didn't mean it, I was being yelled at by the customer - I was trying to help you out.

And they probably call me a bitch in the back.

And I breathe through it and keep on putting my library face on - all that training - never let them take away your professionalism. Never let them take that away.

And they are not all like that.

I will survive, I will carry on, I will not be shelved.
I will post this picture of my filled in drawing, that I did with my new watercolours.
I will have a lovely weekend.
And I hope you all out there keep fighting the fight.

Friday, March 3, 2017

Paint Party Friday - Ladies and Houses...

I drew a lot over February - and feel good about what I have been doing and excited about what is yet to come...

Yesterday after my good results from my specialist - I celebrated by going to the nearby art supply store and buying some watercolours - more fun yet to come.

Old habits past and New skills future

Oh my goodness - I missed February. Altogether. It was a busy month full of squeezing baby Evelyn, drawing, painting my kitchen & dining room, hosting friends for dinner, taking a week off work and going on a romantic getaway.

Which left me very little time to write, and I went with the flow.

March brings milestones reached and new skills to learn...

  • This one I initially forgot to add, and it deserves to be here at the top -  it is the most important. 6 years since my kidney cancer - and my recent test results were clear. My cancer experience was life-altering. Every day is a gift. I do not take life for granted, and am so thankful that I am still here, 6 years later. 
  • Six Months Sober! This makes me sound like I had been a huge binge drinker - which I wasn't - I was a habitual drinker - able to hide it from the world. I grew up with a binge drinker - and do feel I'd rather be habitual than a binge drinker - but I'm sure both have equally terrible consequences. But back to it - I love not drinking. I love not thinking about it and I love feeling in control of that aspect of my life. All good. Freedom.
  • Two Months Old Baby Evelyn! She is such a lovely little soul. She smiles now and coos, and holds her hands up to her face like she is giving the royal wave. We are besotted with our tiny granddaughter.
  • Next week Husband and I begin a Stained Glass course - together. In all our years, we have never taken a course together. We've been on the waiting list for 6 months, and begin next Thursday night. Should be fun. 
  • Pottery was a blast this semester. All the angst I felt in the Autumn semester - is behind me. I have come a long way with my patience and regaining it - it is all tied up with sobriety, as I found I had been dulling myself for a long time, probably because I was so bored, and when I stopped all the restlessness bubbled up and didn't know how to function for a while.
  • House decorating has finally begun. I spent a weekend in February transforming my kitchen/dining space from a tired butter yellow - which wasn't bad, but not my kind of yellow - to a gorgeous grey-blue. Like the colour of a winter sky.
Can I say how much I have loved this winter? The hours I spent drawing, basking in front of the fire and Netflix? The absolute hibernation? It has been so good for my spirit. Every dull day was a gift - and as much as I love spring and summer gardening - I am a quiet cave dweller at my core.

And I will leave a baby photo here for anyone who made it to the end of my long self-post.